Welcome to Definitely Maybe, Gwen's personal space on the web, hosted by the lovely Rose! ♥
LA FEMME
Gwen. 24. Sagittarius. Dutch girl. Psychology student turned Master of Science. proud brunette. sarcastic. honest. neurotic. sweet. movie buff. magazine whore. "every day is a fashion show". Rooney. Phantom Planet.
Maroon 5. Razorlight. Ashlee Simpson. The Beatles. The Filthy Youth. Boomkat. Drake Bell. Ali Larter. Katherine Heigl. Jessica Biel. Rachel McAdams. Elizabeth Reaser.
Eric Christian Olsen.
Jake Gyllenhaal. Dermot Mulroney. <3 Jared Padalecki. Mike Vogel. Jesse Bradford. Scott Speedman. Elizabethtown. The Family Stone.
Empire Records. 10 Things I Hate About You. Magnolia. My Best Friend's Wedding. Scream. Almost Famous.
Chasing Amy. Planet Terror. One Fine Day. House on Haunted Hill. How I Met Your Mother. Gossip Girl. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Scrubs. Grey's Anatomy. Supernatural.
Date: 06/24/2009 Listening: Sweet Goodbyes - Krezip Watching: Elizabethtown Reading: The Gift of Therapy - Irvin Yalom Feeling: Headache Loving: Harper's Island Last movie: The Proposal Surfing:Twitter
Ali Larter Fan Subject: Actress Ali Larter Opened: November, 2003 Position: Owner & founder Reason: She's talented, charming, stylish, beautiful and animated. I enjoy her work and been of her
fan since 2000.
Visit:alilarterfan.com
Breckin Meyer Fan Subject: Actor Breckin Meyer Opened: April, 2005 Position: Staffer & founder Reason: It's Breckin! I've been a fan over a decade. He's underrated!
Visit:breckin-meyer.org
Elizabeth Reaser Fan Subject: Actress Elizabeth Reaser Opened: July, 2008 Position: Owner Reason: Betty is talented and endearing. I love watching her in movies and on TV.
Visit:elizabeth-reaser.org
Eric C. Olsen Online Subject: Actor Eric Christian Olsen Opened: May, 2003 Position: Owner & founder Reason: Eric is so talented, he's able to transcend his material. I enjoy all his work. And he remains a nice, down to earth guy. Visit:ericchristianolsen.net
Host:Rose Online since: 02/19/05 Layout: by me featuring The Fox & The Beef Image credit:shialabeouf.us
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IF IT WASN'T THIS, IT WOULD BE SOMETHING ELSE
I'm watching Elizabethtown on TV. It's my favorite movie. I own it on DVD, but I always end up watching it on TV when it's on. This is my ultimate feel good movie. Life is always better when I've watched Elizabethtown. It's a nice contrast to the Suddenly Susan episode I watched earlier this evening. For you young ones, Suddenly Susan is a 90s sitcom starring Brooke Shields. Anyways, in the ep, Todd is missing and Susan goes looking for him. It's actually a tribute episode to series regular David Strickland, who played Todd, who had killed himself. It was a nice tribute. I almost cried! It's been 10 years and it still makes me sad. Same story with Jonathan Brandis, Glenn Quinn, Brad Renfro and Heath Ledger. I actually don't like watching movies or shows with deceased actors. It's something about unfulfilled potential that saddens me.
Anyways, I'm rambling! I want to thank you all for your wonderful and supportive comments. I feel truly blessed to have great friends, both offline and online, in my life. People can be so unexpectedly generous. I'm not talking about possessions, but in their actions or words. I'm really feeling the love. Especially when it comes to my offline life, I'm usually the one who's there for others. I'm supporto gal. And while I'm not used to being the one who's being pampered and taken care of, it's nice for a change. However, I'd really like for my life to get back on track.
As some of you know, I recently filed a complaint at work. I was just so sick of the way I was being treated by my colleagues. They were overstepping their boundaries. Since then things have been better, but I'm still looking for another job. I need change. I need a job that will challenge me. I need a job with people my age. And honestly, I need to make more money. I have to move. I'm actually contemplating leaving the city and moving away, but what will that do? I will still be me. That won't change. And isolating myself from my friends is probably not the best decision.
Last but not least: Alex will be making a guest appearance in the soap that is my life. He will stop by work in a couple of weeks. It's going to be weird. I still have so much to say. And honestly, I miss him. Which is not one of the things I want to tell him btw. But yeah, I miss him. I have no illusions that we'll give it another try. I do, however, need some closure.
I will return comments soon. I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. I am pretty active on Twitter though, but that's cause I'm often bored at work.
"Of course I think that that kind of adversity builds character. Well, then I thought, I already have a lot of character. Is it possible to have too much character?" - Cordelia Chase
How tired am I of bitching about everything that has been going wrong lately? Answer: VERY. I wish I could post a blog about something happy, but then it would have to be about something good happening to somebody else 'cause I have been drawing the short straw lately.
I'm not going to post about everything that's been going on lately, otherwise this post will end up REALLY long. And it's kinda depressing for me to see everything listed. Basically, I really feel there's no aspect in my life going well at the moment. Normally, life has ups and downs. You have your good things that sorta balances out the bad things. Or at least it works as some sort of buffer to keep the bad things from really bringing you down. I just can't take anymore bad luck. Even my pride and joy, ALF.com, got hacked. Normally, an unfortunate situation to deal with. When you're pretty much begging for at least one thing in your life to go right, it's just another slap in your face. I used to believe everything happens for a reason. Right now, I just don't see it.
The work situation I told you about last time. Well, that client is still a pain in the ass. She showed up with an 'I-don't-want-to-be-here' attitude. I took her aside after the session and told her I heard about her complaints and if she had something to say to me, she could do it now. Please note that I said it in an understanding and therapeutic way and not as annoyed as I'm telling it now. Of course, one-on-one, she suddenly did not have that much to say. How swell that she complained behind my back to my colleague, yet pretends to be all nice when I confront her about it. One more month and then I'm done with this group. I CANNOT WAIT. Also, I'm looking for another job. I really need to be working elsewhere because I don't want to be working somewhere that makes me this unhappy. Yes, I know, there will always be angry and uncooperative clients wherever I work. But I really want to have colleagues that are my age and not about 30 years older than I am. I need people I can relate to.
Well, I'd better sign off. My grandpa died yesterday and I have to get up early tomorrow to bring my mother to the airport. She has to travel across the globe for the funeral.
Thank you for all your supportive comments. It's kinda sad to hear though, that most of us have the same or similar problem. I think we as a society are self-involved or too wrapped up into our own problems to really see or get to know people. I'm rambling, I dunno..
I've been trying to write this post since Saturday. But I actually feel physically ill every time I think about the hellish week at work last week. So this won't really be about 'Gwen and the Art of Dealing with Criticism,' but I like the title so I kept it. In short, one of my clients from my group is trying to make my life miserable just because she can. She's uncooperative and has complained about the way I do my group sessions, even though she has missed half of them (2 of 4). And instead of taking it up with me, she goes over my head and complains to my 'colleague', who did not take the time to tell me this personally, but sent me an e-mail with the subject "Negative Evaluation" listing all the things I do wrong. [NOTE: he handled the situation badly. He should've had my back and supported me.] So she based this on two sessions: the introduction where they all have to share their stories with each other. I lead the session, but they have to do all the talking so she can't really judge me on that. And then last week's session, where I was late due to a defective train. I had to change my 'lesson plan' at the last minute and decided to focus on things I felt were most important. She didn't agree with my decisions.
It feels so unfair to me, because I really try to do my best. I prepare each session. I never think I'm just gonna 'wing it'. She's not even giving me a chance and she's trying to influence another client, who coincidentally has missed the same sessions she has. I can't really do anything about the situation, cause she had cancer and I'm supposed to be all therapist-y and supportive and understanding. Like cancer gives you a free pass to be rude. Right. Luckily, the clients who have attended all the sessions don't share their opinion, which means I don't entirely suck at what I'm doing.
Everyone says I shouldn't take it personally. It says more about her than about me. She's going through a tough time and is taking it out on me. Well, yeah. I get that. But I'm the one who has to stand there in front of that group again next week and take it.
I really thought I was getting better at this blogging thing last time, but then I got distracted. I made a new layout for Ali Larter Fan and the release of her new movie Obsessed kept me busy with updating. Gotta keep supporting my girl!
But I'm back now and with a serious topic to discuss. This will be about racial issues. Some of you might be offended. You have been warned.
At work we have an intern. A very sweet girl and we get along very well. The thing that bugs me is that a week doesn't go by without someone asking if we are sisters. Or at least related. Or when people are really stupid, they mistake her for me! Now as some of you know I'm Eurasian. The intern is full blood Asian. And my Asian background isn't the same as hers. We do not think we look alike. Sure, there are similarities. We both have dark hair and wear glasses, and we both have Asian features. I get that to the untrained eye all Asian people look alike. Yet my best friend and I share the same ethnic background and no one ever mistakes us for sisters! My own sister doesn't even look like me! Why the hell do people keep thinking the intern is?! If it was just a one time thing, I would laugh and brush it off, but people keep saying it. And every single time I get more annoyed.
I don't have a problem with the way I look. I like having dark hair and being exotic-looking. But the thing is, I was born here. Raised Dutch. I feel Dutch. At home we eat Dutch foods and talk Dutch. I don't feel Asian at all. Yet I keep being confronted with it because of my looks. The people who don't ask about my ethnicity have always been closest to my heart. Most of my friends never asked. Alex never asked. But there are times when I meet people and 10 seconds into the conversation they ask. Out of curiousity? Maybe. Most of the time I feel people try to categorize me into a box. They try to guess my heritage. Did you know I'm Turkish, Moroccan, Indonesian, Japanese, Chinese, Pakistani and Surinamese? I can't even remember all the guesses people have made. On the flip side, sometimes people do think I'm just Dutch.
And yes, I've been discriminated against. It sucks. People suck! There was a time I wished I was blond and blue eyed, but that's not the case. I'm comfortable with my looks. Hey, I worry more about my weight than my ethnicity!
I get that you might not understand what I'm trying to say. That I'm exaggerating. Look at it this way. It's like being an apple and everyone keeps telling you you're a peach 'cause you're kind of the same shape.
Ali Larter Fan
Breckin Meyer Fan
Elizabeth Reaser Fan
Eric C. Olsen Online
more?
I'm watching Elizabethtown on TV. It's my favorite movie. I own it on DVD, but I always end up watching it on TV when it's on. This is my ultimate feel good movie. Life is always better when I've watched Elizabethtown. It's a nice contrast to the Suddenly Susan episode I watched earlier this evening. For you young ones, Suddenly Susan is a 90s sitcom starring Brooke Shields. 
Anyways, in the ep, Todd is missing and Susan goes looking for him. It's actually a tribute episode to series regular David Strickland, who played Todd, who had killed himself. It was a nice tribute. I almost cried! It's been 10 years and it still makes me sad. Same story with Jonathan Brandis, Glenn Quinn, Brad Renfro and Heath Ledger. I actually don't like watching movies or shows with deceased actors. It's something about unfulfilled potential that saddens me. 
Especially when it comes to my offline life, I'm usually the one who's there for others. I'm supporto gal. And while I'm not used to being the one who's being pampered and taken care of, it's nice for a change. However, I'd really like for my life to get back on track. 
I am pretty active on Twitter though, but that's cause I'm often bored at work. 
Thank you for all your supportive comments. It's kinda sad to hear though, that most of us have the same or similar problem. 
I think we as a society are self-involved or too wrapped up into our own problems to really see or get to know people. I'm rambling, I dunno..
Like cancer gives you a free pass to be rude. Right. Luckily, the clients who have attended all the sessions don't share their opinion, which means I don't entirely suck at what I'm doing. 
I really thought I was getting better at this blogging thing last time, but then I got distracted. 
I made a new layout for Ali Larter Fan and the release of her new movie Obsessed kept me busy with updating. Gotta keep supporting my girl!